I was quite overwhelmed with the response I got from my article Dating a 100% Filipino Guy. Thank you to everyone who read and shared it.

Another funny question I’ve gotten is “How did you get David to enter a relationship?” (Apparently David has a reputation as a ‘forever single’ guy – so people thought.)

I found this funny because I didn’t really try anything special. Looking back, I just accepted a date, we got to know each other, and I guess we liked what we discovered. Take our first date for example: David had to attend an office opening so our first time out was complete with business people, a ribbon-cutting, candles, and a priest splashing water on everything. In the car, David mentioned he was hungry and I offered him what was left of my sandwich wrapped in a ball of foil. David had a weird look and said, “Do you really want my first taste of your cooking to be whatever’s in that ball of foil?” I was so embarrassed but we just laughed. We laughed a lot that night despite my silly questions and his idiosyncrasies. It really felt like we had known each other for a while.

David wrote this poem that evening:

Bourbon Sours & Tea by David Bonifacio (I like how he puts inside jokes no one else understands)

I share our first date to contrast an article I read on the internet about How to Attract Any Man. According to the article, here are things you can do to attract a guy among others:

1. Eye contact. Look at him for a long period of time, then look down when he sees you, with an embarrassed smile (repeat as necessary).
My thoughts: This sounds more like a facial exercise to me.

2. Mirror his actions. Follow his body language, and copy some of his movements.
My thoughts:  I don’t think a guy wants to date a parrot. If he does, run!

3. Show cleavage. Wear Something sexy.
My thoughts: Any guy that falls for this, let it be a warning to stay away! If a guy is more interested in your cleavage than your face and what your saying, that’s a creep alert.

4. Walk to his left to enhance the emotional side of his brain.
My thoughts: Well personally I think If a guy needs that much help to use his brain, then it may not be worth it.

5. Be contradicting and confuse him. This will make you seem mysterious and interesting.
My thoughts: Cut! Next scene is in the psych ward!

There was just so much wrong with the article and I realized it was because the motive was “How can I get guys to notice me, to find me attractive, to want me?” It’s as if a girl needs to rely on techniques to be desirable. It’s also very selfish. “How do ‘I’ get others to notice ‘ME’?” Sadly, this wasn’t the only article on this subject, the internet is swamped with them. I think we ladies should have more self-respect and not feel the need to rely on techniques just to feel wanted.

What should we be doing instead? This is just my opinion, instead of conjuring a strategy to get others to like you, why not actually use that same effort to actually get yourself ready for the best possible match for you, so that when he arrives, you won’t need to rely on your attracting skills – you’re already attractive, and he’ll notice for sure. David likes to tell guys, and I think we girls can learn, “The time we use to look good is the same time we could be using to actually be good.”

Here are some practical things we can start doing to actually be amazing:

1. Find yourself in God and develop a lifestyle of prayer – We don’t need to play silly games to feel love. Go to God in prayer every day and seek his love. I’ve learned that when we find ourselves in God first we not only become complete in Him, we are able to offer ourselves to our future partners as complete and not needy. Do we have a strong relationship with God? If not then perhaps we need to read the Bible and immerse in it. If we are not reading the bible, we are missing out on the most intelligent advice any father will ever give us. If we are not praying, then we are not talking to him, telling him our concerns or giving him thanks. When we learn to do this consistently, just watch how our lives change.

Seek and read from the book of the Lord: Not one of these shall be missing; none shall be without her mate. For the mouth of the Lord has commanded, and his Spirit has gathered them.
Isaiah 34:16 ESV

2. Be kind to the people already around you – Give more attention to our current relationships with our parents, siblings, and friends. We can learn to honor our parents more, or to listen more to our friends, or how to be kinder to our siblings, to learn to protect them rather than fight against them. Maybe by being kind to the people already around us we will learn to be more selfless. These practices will be really helpful for when your partner does arrive as this is how a loving relationship should be. And a loving soul knows how to love all the people God put in our lives, not just that one guy when he arrives.

3. Be hardworking – When I first started working in recruiting, I didn’t know a thing about it. Through the months I’ve been able to learn about Linkedin, networking with people, and disciplining my day. I have even learned to appreciate the times my boss is a little hard on me, knowing his intentions are only to make me better at my job, and toughen me up a bit. If we have a full time job, then working hard at it regardless of whether its the perfect job for us or not builds character in us. Many people take on a job and work half-heartedly as they are tired or don’t enjoy it so much, but this type of attitude is poisonous, it even rubs off on your colleagues. Just think of it this way, say your future husband owned a business and had employees that he was paying a good salary, who were not giving their best on the job, not meeting targets simply because they are too lazy to try, do you think he would respect that person or find that person of strong character? And what if that person was you? Is that the first impression you want to make, or even how you want to be?

4. Start saving – I could have been much smarter in this area so I’m doing better now. Having your own money can be freeing. I don’t think a girl should look to her guy to save her when she should be saving herself. I’m not a finance person but I know that it’s better that we are independent financially. While it’s good to find a guy who is responsible financially, that doesn’t mean the girl can be irresponsible. Working at my current job has made me appreciate how hard most people work just to get by. I’m glad I’ve had this season to appreciate this.

5. Read, learn, grow – Guys don’t only like a smart girl, they’re going to need a smart wife. A girl who truly loves learning and puts in the investment to grow will not only be attractive, she’ll be a useful wife. I’ve always been curious but I’m learning that it’s important to also discipline yourself to learn things you’re not initially interested in. Also spend time on hobbies, this brings out the more creative side in us. What guy doesn’t want a girl that knows how to enjoy life, and loves to explore the different parts of it. Whether it’s simply playing cards with your grandparents or learning to paint, or exploring the outdoors, well those have been some of my hobbies. We all have many things we can explore and potentially be good at, and some people even end up quitting their jobs as they find work they are passionate about from a simple hobby they took up.

Every girl wants a lasting relationship, yet we many times fall into the worldly ways of catching one and we wonder why it doesn’t last or why it caused so much pain. Relationships with the wrong people leads to heartbreak after heartbreak, which in turn has a negative effect on our self-esteem, and make us more insecure.

I am not saying this from nowhere, but I’m speaking from personal experience. I’ve made mistakes, some very serious ones, and I’m grateful to God for His forgiveness and grace that gives second chances.

Sometimes I think it’s harder now to even know what is right as the world is constantly telling us to be sexy and seductive. The problem with this is when we put too much emphasis on our externals, we end up covering up where true beauty resides: our soul.

In short, place more effort in being the kind of person you believe makes a good partner. If you want a godly man, be a godly woman. If you want a selfless man, be selfless. If you want a hardworking man, be hardworking. If you want a kind man, be kind. If you want a healthy man, be healthy. Just because we’re girls doesn’t mean we have to spend our time simply waiting. We can make the most of the time and develop ourselves, not just because we’re trying to attract men, but so that we will be amazing for yourself, and in the future, that one man. You only need one man to love you, and you only really want one.

 

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life
Proverbs 31:10-12 ESV